We watched videos about these challenges in my leadership class, and I sat there, a skeptic, thinking about how dumb the people in the videos were. I personally believed that 30 days was not enough to form a new habit. When I was assigned to undertake a challenge of my own, I was not happy to say the least. I figured, however, that if I was going to try to do one, I would at least do one that was meaningful and had the potential to change me for the better, rather than mimicking those I saw having to do with eating at Starbucks for 30 days or stuff like that.
I had recently read an article about a woman who went one year without mirrors in order to increase her self-esteem and improve her image about herself and her body. It was an incredible story. She didn't use a mirror for anything. I couldn't imagine not using a mirror for makeup. That's when it clicked for me. I had spent many years of my life with low self-esteem and hating how I looked. I would spend so much time comparing myself to others and to the unrealistic beauty standards portrayed by the media. I was in a dark place through middle and high school, and spent so much time worry about what others though of me that it broke me. In a new area with people I'd never met before, starting college away from home gave me a new start. But soon, the feelings began to reappear, as my cystic acne began popping up again and the lack of time I had for proper self care began to increase. I knew my cystic acne would be a lifelong battle; that's the struggle of the skin problem. But when people started to point it out, asking me if I was washing my face less, or suggesting that I try an acne product they used in the past that worked for them, I began to fall into a dark place. What they didn't understand was that their seemingly innocent comments actually served to feed my lack of self-esteem even more. I always washed my face. I had tried everything on the market which ultimately led me to get the diagnosis of cystic acne and start on a remedy of birth control and clindamycin/benzol peroxide gel. Knowing the comments would never end, I decided to embark on a challenge with 30 days without mirrors to build up my self-esteem and self-image.
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| I filled my dorm mirror with sticky notes with positive quotes to make sure I didn't use it. (: |
30 days without mirrors changed my life for the better, and ultimately saved my life. It allowed me to see myself as worthy and to see that the only judgment that mattered about my image was mine. It was hard, as I also included reflections as well, since mirrors or reflective surfaces appeared to be everywhere. I was determined to make it work though, since I knew that I would spend hours analyzing myself and becoming less and less content with just being me. I would pick out the flaws and watch as they appeared more imminent, worrying that others could see them. The challenge became easier with time, and I even got to the point where I could put makeup on without a mirror. Those skills are surprisingly mostly muscle memory. I didn't include makeup as a no-no in my challenge because I've been able to see how makeup can be a confidence booster, not by changing your self image, but just the creativity of it and the feeling of doing something for oneself. By the end of the 30 days, I had a new appreciation for myself, and started to see myself as a beautiful soul. I no longer spent hours analyzing my looks in the mirror or comparing myself to others. It's still work to keep that positive self image going, even two years later, but it's gotten easier over time. That challenge was one of the best things I've ever done in my life.
I haven't taken on a challenge since then, but upon seeing all of the positive changes I could make, I decided to start them up again. Stay tuned for my future challenges.
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