30 Day Writing Challenge: My Earliest Memory

My Earliest Memories

I would like to think that I spent the early years of my life having so much fun which is why I can't remember anything up until my preschool years, but that is probably not the case. Growing up, my family has always been dysfunctional. With a dad addicted to theft and drugs and a mother who basically did everything for my twin brother and I with her low-paying cleaning jobs, and later their divorce, I don't think there was much good to remember. I've heard stories about my brother and I setting a hide-a-bed on fire, or owning iguanas, or going to a preschool before the preschool I remember going to, and I've seen home videos from some of the holidays in a trailer I don't recognize, but honestly I don't truly remember anything prior to moving into the trailer my grandparents owned out in the rural areas of greeley. I believe in attempting to construct my early memories, I've created false ones, which I believe is a coping technique for to the lack of stability in my childhood. 

The earliest memories that I can truly recall are my experiences in preschool at My Friends and Me, a preschool located in LaSalle, Colorado, that my mother would drop us off at for the entire day while she headed off to work. I remember Ms. Youngren's classroom and the fits I would throw during nap time, and learning how to tie my shoes and how to read, and playing "House" with a girl named Alexandra. I remember crying the first time I rode and only time I rode a horse, and holding a snake, and dressing up as Cinderella for Halloween. On the opposite side, I remember visiting my dad in the Villa, the half-way house, and not knowing who he was. I remember being a bossy little brat who didn't have very many friends. I remember wanting to be the best at anything at the expense of building relationships with others; I would be willing to leave them behind if that made me succeed. 

It seems as no matter how hard you try, you can often only remember the good with the bad. I've chosen in my life many times to focus on the bad, but growing up, I learned to utilize those experiences to create a better future for myself and others. Would I have preferred growing up in a two-parent household or without knowing my father? Maybe. If I could have changed my childhood, would I? Absolutely not. Those early experiences, whatever they were, have somehow influenced the path I am on today, and for that I am extremely grateful. Though it's a shame that I lose out on those early experiences by not recalling them, I find solace at the same time in knowing that I somehow utilized those experiences to create a better future for myself and others. If that's the effect, I can live without ever recalling them and be content.