Wednesday, November 18, 2015

30 Day Writing Challenge: What Tattoos I Have and If They Have a Meaning

What Tattoos I Have and If They Have a Meaning

I currently am tattoo-free. Would I like to get some tattoos? Yes. After dealing with root canals and braces and fillings and other things, I feel like I have a pretty high pain tolerance. My only two concerns are cost and location. Tattoos are expensive, and it's been hard to justify putting out money on them, but in order to have good quality ones that are done by great, trustworthy artists, you need to put out money on them. I hate spending money in general, so when it's not a gift for others or food, I have a hard time justifying my expenditures. Though I don't have any tattoos currently, I've thought a lot about the ones I would get. I don't know where, but likely in areas that aren't super painful nor 100% visible all the time. All of the following desired tattoos have meanings and significance in my life; if I do get them at some point, they'll be a way to tell my story, kind of like these blogs, but through art on my body.

Bass Clef Treble Clef Heart

Involvement in music saved my life. My clarinet, and my music, have been a source of stability in my life. I've been able to escape from the world through that music, and regain ahold of my life when I felt is was crumbling away. It's the one thing that hasn't ever left me; it's always there when I need it to be. During middle and high school, I had a really rough time. I didn't belong anywhere, I had very few friends, and I didn't feel like I could keep living like that. The bullying got really bad and I started writing song lyrics to cope with everything that was going on. It helped me survive those years, that, playing my clarinet, and band. 

Band was the first place where I felt where I belonged. I've always been the outcast and have always felt super alone, but not in band. In band, the people understood me. They didn't need to know my history, or my background, or my struggles. They loved me for me and loved me for loving music. That love saved my life. If I didn't find that family in band, I don't even know if I'd be alive today. That's the truth.

The bass clef treble clef heart is already an existing symbol; I didn't make it up or create it or anything. But oddly enough, it encapsulates everything I wish to convey about the meaning of music in my life. The treble clef stands for the way that my clarinet, a treble clef instrument, changed my life by acting as a source of stability, in the face of any changes that would come my way. The bass clef represents the time I ventured out of my clarinet world and into the world of the double bass. It represents the dark times I went through that were healed by music. The heart represents the love I found for myself and others through my involvement with music. The family I found in band loved me for me, and how their love saved my life.

Puzzle Piece Butterfly/Semi-Colon

The second tattoo I would like to get is a mixture of three different things that mean a ton to me: autism awareness, how my life has changed, and how my story is not yet over. All of these ideals would be incorporated in what I call a puzzle piece butterfly with a semi-colon body. It's a lot of words that might make it difficult to picture. Basically, it's a tattoo of a butterfly. The wings are filled with colored puzzle pieces, and the body, rather than being just a curvy line, is actually a semi-colon. Does that make sense? If not, ask me and I'll attempt to draw it for you.

Puzzle pieces are a nationally recognized symbol of autism awareness. For those of you who do not know, I have an older brother who has autism. The way people treat him for his differences is disgusting. He is one of the reasons why I will have a conversation with you if I hear the word "retarded" come out of your mouth. Though it may not seem like that big of a deal, it's important to refrain from using the "r-word." It doesn't matter that you are not using it as a descriptor of someone with an intellectual disability. The connotation and the history behind it is still there. And if you need a chart to tell you when you can use it (hint: the answer is never), here's a link to one: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/29/r-word-advocacy_n_6064196.html

The butterfly represents how all of the changes I've gone through in my life, big and small, are setting me on a path to a beautiful future. Just like a caterpillar undergoes a metamorphosis to become a beautiful butterfly, I've undergone a lot of changes and growth within my life that have allowed me to become a better person each and every day.

The semicolon has become a popular tattoo idea recently. It means something along the lines of "my story is not over." For me, that has a lot more meaning. In my darkest hours, there were times that I thought nothing could have gotten better in my life, that life was not worth living anymore. But to get through those times, I would tell myself that my story wasn't over yet, that it was my destiny to change it and go after whatever I wanted in life. I have the destiny to determine my future, and I want it to be bright.

Mulan Quote

I know what you are thinking: "That is so cheesy" and "Is it because you are a Disney fan?" I know it can appear to be cheesy, but for me, a specific quote from the movie Mulan has a deeper meaning than just that I like it. And no, it's not because I enjoy watching Disney movies. The first couple of times I heard it, I couldn't place where it came from. It wasn't until much later on that I found out it was from the move Mulan. The quote I'm talking about is the famous one said by the Emperor of China: "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." I'd imagine it would look something similar to this, except a tattoo.

For me, that quote takes a much different meaning than just the surface value of the quote. For me, it seems like obstacles are in my way wherever I go. I just can't catch a break. I didn't have an easy childhood, and it took all of my strength to get to where I am today. I had so many obstacles put in my way making it more and more difficult to get to college, to get to where I am today. And somehow, with everything attempting to stop me, I've managed to move past them and keep pursing my dreams. It's been a difficult road, and it continues to be a difficult road. Something that has helped me through those rough times was kindness, and the inside beauty of others, encouragement, and love. I have so much gratitude for the teachers that told me that I was worth something, that I could reach any dream that I dreamt, that no matter how hard things got I could always overcome them. I look back on my life, and without those support systems, I wouldn't be a first generation college student, I wouldn't be fighting against social injustices, and I'm not even sure if I'd be alive today. For me, that quote tells the story of my life, the hope, the love, the desire, how those struggles have made me the person I am today. For me, it's more than just a quote from a fabulous Disney movie.

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