Ten Interesting Facts About Myself
1. I've been doing my mom's taxes since seventh grade.
I like numbers and love math, so it just clicked. That was the year I became a member of my middle school's Math Counts team. (I know, hella nerdy. Competitions with math problems. It's like that Mathletes scene from Mean Girls). It wasn't all nerdy, though. We had an awesome name: The Peace Frogs. Not that it had anything to do with math. I met some great individuals through that club, including one of my closest friends throughout high school. Pretty sure he's too cool now to admit he was ever a part of a club like that (just kidding, maybe not; you know I adore you anyways, even if we haven't talked in a couple of years). It put me on the career path to possibly become an accountant or an engineer, even though I eventually changed my mind. I thought doing my mom's taxes would be good practice for the real world. Now, it's become a yearly habit. I guess if you need help with your taxes, you know who to call. It's not like they teach you that skill in school, though I strongly believe that and money management should be taught, because there are so many members of my generation without those real-world skills.
2. I half regret prioritizing sports in high school.
Let's be real. Even though I loved sports (and still love them to this day), I was never very athletic. Was I in shape? Yes. Was I athletic and equipped for improving greatly over time? No. When I was in high school, I played four sports: volleyball, basketball, track & field, and tennis.
Volleyball
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| C-Team - Fall 2010 |
Volleyball is my absolute favorite sport. I had played it since sixth grade. I love everything about it. Though I always put in 100% effort, I never was able to improve my skills at a fast enough rate to move up in the volleyball world. I spent two years on C-Team and made it onto the JV squad my junior year. The only reason I wasn't cut from the team my freshman year was because of my work ethic ( I appreciated the bluntness of the JV coach that year). Though I improved greatly since 6th grade, I lacked many of the skills that would enable me to move onto the varsity squad my senior year. My coach always had to substitute someone in for me to serve, because I was not able to serve overhand very well. Though I finally got the hang of net work, my height never acted in my favor. I eventually was limited to back row passing and libero work. I was fine with that. My passing improved greatly that season, but I had gone from starting the season to warming the bench. At the end of the year, I didn't get to play in the JV tournament. Instead, I played in the C-Team tournament, and though I had some good plays in that tournament, I lost all confidence in my ability to succeed in the sport I love and didn't join volleyball my senior year. It was hard on me because I didn't want to quit, but felt obligated to, with a mindset that I would be cut anyways.
Basketball
I had also played basketball since sixth grade. My favorite part was the team aspect of it and learning how to improve my shots. Similarly, though I always put in 100% effort, I never was able to improve my skills at a fast enough rate to move up in the basketball world. I spent the first year on C-Team, moving onto the JV squad my sophomore year, and making it to the varsity squad my junior year. And even though I still sucked, I was on top of the world. I made varsity and it couldn't get any better than that. However, I basically warmed the bench the entire season. I wish I would have had the opportunity to swing down to JV to get more playing time like one of my teammates. My senior year, excited for basketball to start but busy with my newfound interest in theatre, I could tell that this season would go downhill as well. I ended up on the JV squad, which I felt was a demotion, but after looking at the skilled, younger players who made it, I always wondered what happened to me. Wasn't I supposed to be getting better as the years went on, not worse? Though I also improve greatly since 6th grade, I lacked many of the skills that would enable me to have made the varsity squad for my senior year. Throughout my senior year, I went from starting JV, to warming the bench for JV, to swinging down to C-Team, to serving as the point guard for C-Team. I was back to where I was freshman year. I was playing at a lower level than I had the previous two years. Though I looked like a rockstar playing at that level, I felt cheated. I almost wish I would have been cut that year. I would have appreciated some blunt feedback and just a severing of ties. I considered quitting to focus on pep band and the upcoming spring musical. Looking back, I should have. Like volleyball, it was hard for me to end it when it was one of the only things I had known. I lost all confidence in my ability to succeed in the sport I love and had a really shitty last season. My senior night, I was allowed to play for a little bit on varsity, and I scored. That's great. But when we went into the locker room and I was applauded for scoring, making one shot, I knew that I did not belong in the sports world. That's the goal, to make shots. I was given a round of applause for meeting the aim of basketball. What's so special about that? That's when I confirmed my belief that I sucked.
Track & Field
I had participated in track & field since seventh grade. My favorite part of track is the simultaneous team and individual dynamics. Similarly, though I always put 100% into every practice and every meet, I was never able to improve my skills at a fast enough rate to move up in the track world. I peaked my sophomore year in terms of times and distance, and after that season, it went downhill. I had always run the short distances, like the 100m and 200m dash, as well as participated in long jump and javelin. I improved over time, but I was never fast enough nor strong enough to be competitive. During my junior year, my race times slipped and my distance in long jump decreased to the point where I was scratching every jump. I had gone from participating in several events to very few if any. I couldn't be competitive, and that is not great for a competitive sports team. I lost all confidence in my ability to succeed and didn't join track my senior year. Like volleyball and basketball, it was hard for me to end it when it was one of the only things I knew.
Tennis
I didn't join tennis until my senior year of high school. I wish I would have joined earlier, because I quickly fell in love with the sport. Instead of track & field, I decided to try out for the tennis team. Having been my first time playing, I thought I was going to get cut. One of the coaches ended up deciding that since there were so many beginners, no one would be cut, just compete at the JV level. I was fine with that. Tennis helped bring my confidence back in my ability to play sports, until I started losing my new skills due to balancing tennis with pit orchestra. If I can pick it up again, I definitely will.
Why I Only Half Regret Staying Involved in Them
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| "Once Upon A Mattress" - Spring 2012 |
Looking back, I have a new perspective and a better idea of my true passions. I know now that sports are fun and great, but I didn't have a true passion for them. I loved theatre and debate & forensics, but didn't prioritize them enough to have a meaningful experience. I didn't really feel a strong attachment to student council or National Honor Society. What I really had a passion for was community service and helping others: volunteer work on my own, as well as Key Club and Interact. My other main passion was for music. By prioritizing sports, trying to fit in with the popular athletes and trying to be more like them because I thought that was what I needed to do, I missed out on some potentially great experiences. I missed out on bonding with my bandmates through pep band events. I am fortunate that by quitting volleyball, I was able to help reboot the marching band at my school. That was my passion. By prioritizing sports, I missed out on being involved in theatre on a deeper level, more than my semi-involvement in pit orchestra and building the sets. I missed out on improving my public speaking skills and my ability to tell a story through forensics. I feel odd going back to judge because I was a horrible participant when I was there. Though I missed out on pursing my true passions, the experience helped me realize what I am truly passionate about, what I want to spend my time on. I don't try to do all the clubs because now I know what I truly have a passion for. I no longer do things because I've always done them and no longer feel guilty leaving situations I don't enjoy.
3. Involvement in music saved my life.
I have always loved music. From singing along to songs on the radio, to joining choir in elementary school, to beastin' the recorder in third grade, music was meant to be for me. I was the one who would practice all the time at home, singing, the recorder, everything. I loved it. I knew that it would be a life long passion of mine. In April of 2006, I told my mom that I wanted to join band in the fall when I headed to middle school. My mom was hesitant at first, because if you know anything about instruments, you'd know they are hella expensive. The initial purchase, the upkeep, all of it. I begged and begged and begged. She finally let us go look at instruments at Campus Music, a local music store. I told them that I was looking for a clarinet. Why a clarinet? Long ago, I had a strong desire to learn piano and to become a percussionist. When my mom couldn't afford lessons for piano in order to qualify for entrance into the percussion section at the middle school, I changed my mind and thought that I would learn the violin. It was a common instrument and I liked the way it sounded. But one day, my school took a field trip to see the Greeley Philharmonic Orchestra. After that concert, after hearing the beautiful sounds coming out of the clarinet, I knew that I would be a clarinetist.
In April of 2006, my mom worked out a rent-to-own plan with the shop owner and I was off to become a clarinetist. I taught myself to play that clarinet, spending hours each day with the a beginner's book. It came easily, as I had already had previous experience with reading music due to elementary choir and the recorder. At the time, it was a large instrument for my tiny body, but it was meant to be, my clarinet and me. Little did I know that getting that clarinet would change my life.
I've been involved in band since the sixth grade. It's become an obsession of mine. To add to my obsession with music, I joined choir and orchestra later in high school, and continued my music in college, through the pep band. My clarinet, and my music, have been a source of stability in my life. I've been able to escape from the world through that music, and regain ahold of my life when I felt is was crumbling away. It's the one thing that hasn't ever left me; it's always there when I need it to be. During middle and high school, I had a really rough time. I didn't belong anywhere, I had very few friends, and I didn't feel like I could keep living like that. The bullying got really bad and I started writing song lyrics to cope with everything that was going on. It helped me survive those years, that, playing my clarinet, and band.
Band was the first place where I felt where I belonged. I've always been the outcast and have always felt super alone, but not in band. In band, the people understood me. They didn't need to know my history, or my background, or my struggles. They loved me for me and loved me for loving music. That love saved my life. If I didn't find that family in band, I don't even know if I'd be alive today. That's the truth. I've met some of the most amazing people through music in my life. I met one of my best friends in sixth grade band and we just clicked. Most of the people I consider friends have been a part of the music or larger arts community in one capacity or another. Artists, whether they be musicians or thespians or painters, are the most amazing people I have ever met. They are among the most openminded, the most accepting, the most loving, and the most raw. The arts are a critical subject that teach one how to be human, to be compassionate and loving and creative and fun, but also critical and analytical and organized and patient. I will fight for arts education all my life, because it saved my life. If it saved my life, I imagine it has saved many others too.
4. Bullying and suicide are issues I am extremely passionate about; they've shaped my experiences and who've I've become.
Basically throughout my entire life, I've experienced bullying in one capacity or another. In my early years of elementary school, I regret to say that I was a bully. I would tell people they couldn't hang out with us because they weren't popular enough. I would try to tell people they weren't real fill-in-the-blank-with-any-religious-group because they didn't fill-in-the-blank-characteristic-action-of-any-religious-group. I wasn't event religious, nor brought up in a religious household. I just thought I knew better than everyone else. I was bossy as hell. I would tell people what to do and how to do it. I was an awful person. It wasn't until my third grade year that I started to transform a bit. I learned to respect others a lot more after doing part of my third grade year in Spanish.
When I switched to a new elementary school, I had to make new friends, and in order to do that, I had to not be a bully anymore, though I quickly fell into my old habits. I made a best friend who I am happy to say somehow stuck by me and is my best friend currently, but I still had a problem with spreading rumors about people and bossing others around. Once, I wrongly assumed that my "friend" had stolen a bracelet of mine that came with a pair of pants when I bought them when I saw her wearing one just like it. It apparently didn't occur to me that the bracelet came with every pair of pants and there was a possibility that she also bought that same pair of pants. So I spread a rumor that she was a thief, and I got sent to the principal's office because of it. That's when my teacher decided to have a chat with me and my mom and let me know that stuff like that wouldn't fly. Later on in the year, someone told the principal that I had told everyone that a girl I knew gave a boy I knew a blowjob. I didn't even know what that was in fifth grade. The claim was false, but with my reputation as a rumor-spreader, it would make sense why I was accused. After that, I vowed to stop being a bully for good. By the end of the year, I was done. I was done being the bully. I was done with that whole gossip and rumor mill. I was not about that life anymore because nothing good came from it.
When I headed to middle school, once again, I had to make new friends. My best friend was going to a different middle school, and I knew that if I were to slip back into my old ways, it would not be a good three years. Luckily, I really didn't. I was still a bit bossy, but other than that, I separated myself from the title of bully. Sixth grade was great! I made a lot of new friends, did a lot of cool things, and was excited for the rest of middle school. It went downhill from there, though. Seventh and eighth grade were rough. This is the point where most people are trying to figure out who they are, going through various phrases. Seventh grade was when cliques started to form and the drama began. In seventh and eighth grade, I faced bullying. Though I had a nice support system among my friends, it was hard for me to deal with being on the other side, as the victim. People I thought were friends attempted to kick me out of friend groups, people teased me about my acne and my smarts. This was the age boys were no longer seen as having cooties, when all of my friends began to "date." When it was crucial to be asked to dances and to hang with the popular kids and it mattered what people though about you. Besides the bullying, I had a rough time at home, feeling like I had no support there and facing struggles you aren't supposed to deal with at that age. Along with that, the bulk of my support system was not free from problems themselves. I had many friends self-harm, several attempt suicide, and some attempt suicide several times. At that age, you should not have to stay on the phone for hours trying to convince your friends not to end it all. I constantly found myself crying myself to sleep and looking for any way out. It was too much to deal with at that young age. With violence and terror and sadness and harm surrounding me from all fronts, I fell into a really dark place. I started playing my clarinet more often and began to write songs to attempt to cope. It was a really hard life for a seventh grader. By the end of eighth grade, things began to look up, with friends getting the help they needed, but the dysfunction wasn't completely gone. I looked forward to high school, thinking maybe things would get better. Little did I know, they would for awhile, but then they would start to crumble once again.
When I headed to high school, luckily many of my close friends headed to the same one, so this time, I didn't have to start all over again. But at the same time, I started to see reality for what it was and the rose-colored perspective that I saw my experience through faded away over the years. I had a great freshman year; it was easily my favorite out of my four years of high school. I made a bunch of new friends, got involved, and things started to look up. Sophomore, things started of great too, but soon I found myself a bit more isolated and once again, fell victim to bullying. I still had my large group of friends, for the most part, though, so it wasn't all that bad. Junior year, with the pressure of getting into college the following year and finding away to pay for it, I enrolled in five AP courses, putting my stress at an all time high with the struggle of balancing academics and extracurriculars, and of course, the bullying continued. Many of my "friends" had appeared to abandon me. I was left with a small group of friends, and I was fine with that. The stress of dealing with all of those elements was not great for me. While my friends went home for lunch, I stayed at the school, eating alone and working on homework because what else could I do? My performance in sports went downhill and there was way too much going on to stay grounded. Bullying got worse and appeared to be amplified with everything that was going on at the same time, at school and at home. Bullies focused on my SES, my weight, my appearance, my devotion to academics, my lack of being in a relationship, all of it. What's sad is that many of the younger students followed in the footsteps of their older friends and bullied me too.
Senior year, I was almost completely isolated, much of it as my own choice to escape from the bullying, except for my small, close circle of friends. I was sick of the bullying, and I thought that if I just isolated myself from people, they couldn't reach me. People I thought were friends now didn't talk to me at all. They acted like they were above me and started to bully me too, but just a couple of years earlier, they were all "buddy-buddy." It seemed like the only kids who truly accepted me for who I was were the arts kids, but of course, because they are awesome. It takes a certain type of person to dedicate themselves to the arts. I put all of my time into my academics and college applications and clubs, desperate for a way to pay for college. My anxiety was at its peak. I felt alone and as my "friends "abandoned me one by one, I couldn't wait to leave that school. Luckily, I did get a chance to put all of that anger and frustration into my STEM magnet project, which focused on bullying, as well as into the SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education) chapter my friend started and No Place For Hate. Still, I counted down the days until I could finally get out of that school. I loved my teachers and the small group of friends I had, but other than that, there was nothing left for me at that school. There was nothing left for me in Greeley. I yearned for the day that I could leave and finally leave it all behind. The bullying, the accompanying struggles, the darkness, the loneliness, all of it.
Three years into college, I look back on how the bullying and suicide have shaped my life. Though the struggles were very real and difficult to deal with, I do not wish my life had been any easier, nor wish those experiences did not happen. They've led me to where I am today and the person I am today. Though bullying appears every now and again in college, because apparently some people haven't grown up, I am better equipped to handle it and to not be a bystander when it happens to other people. The topic of suicide comes up every so often in college as well, with trainings about how to help those with suicidal thoughts, and with those I am prepared to handle the situation when it arises. Unfortunately, there are a couple of times where that has happened. But my past has prepared me to be an advocate for the present and the future.
5. A lot of the people I used to talk to on a daily basis and were pretty close with are ones that I barely talk to or haven't talked to at all since I started college in 2013.
When people told me that I probably wouldn't talk to my friends from high school after graduation, I didn't want to believe them, but guess what: that's exactly what happened. The only people I regularly talk to from high school are my two best friends. As for the rest of my high school buddies, our friendships, if you can even call them friendships, consist of seeing each other's lives change via our Facebook newsfeed, maybe throwing in a couple of likes now and again. We don't even Facebook message that often, if at all. Even some of the people I though I was close to don't talk to me, even if I try to reach out to them. After graduation, everything changes and everyone heads out on their own paths in life. Well, if you are one of those friends, and would like to reconnect, reach out! I'd love to catch up!
6. The first and only time I've gotten pulled over was due to not putting on my headlights all the way.
When my mom's 1994 Dodge Shadow was determined to be a safety hazard by the mechanics, my grandma gave my mom her 2007 Nissan Sentra. It is a great car. Reliable, good looking, and newer. The first day I drove the car, my mom and I headed to some restaurant, probably subway, to get some dinner. I turned on the headlights, or at least I thought I did, since it was dark out. I thought they seemed a little dim, but my mom assured me they were on. I drove to the restaurant without thinking of it. Upon the return trip, I saw flashing lights and heard the cop car. I figured there was someone behind me that got pulled over, so I kept driving. After a couple seconds, I realized that I was being pulled over, so I stopped at the stop sign and pulled over to the side of the rode. What was going on? What was happening? I didn't do anything! I was hella scared. The officer asked me if I knew what I had done. I said no. She said that my headlights were not on and that I could have caused an accident. I had no idea. I quickly turned them on and apologized, talking about how we just got the car and didn't quite know how to work it. She took my license and registration and headed back to her car. I was so afraid that I was going to go to jail or something that I sat in the drivers seat and cried, while my mom just looked at me, wondering what the hell I was doing. She returned to the window and gave me my documentation back. She said that I needed to make sure that I always had them on, and if she caught me with them off again, she wouldn't be so nice. I drove the rest of the two, three blocks home, still crying, because I didn't even want to see her ever again, because though she said she was nice, she was absolutely not.
7. I absolutely love graduations, probably more than the people graduating.
I'm not sure what it is about graduations: the sense of accomplishment, the rite of passage to moving on to bigger things, the parties, the food, the fun, the laughter, the people, the nostalgia. I absolutely love them. When I graduated from high school, you better believe I made it an event to remember. I decked myself out in my cords, rehearsed for hours for the songs we'd be singing, and spent months just imagining what it would be like to cross the stage and receive my diploma. I loved playing music with the band the years before. The feeling of excitement, the yearn for change, the desire to do something meaningful, the hope, the reflection, everything overcame me every time I would step foot in a graduation, especially at my own high school graduation. I've gone out of my way to attend my friends' graduations, missing fun and events I would normally prioritize to be there, even if they weren't quite as enthusiastic about my attendance. I think the reason I love graduations so much is because they represent a closing of a chapter of life and the beginning of another. For me, the chapter yet to be written was unmarked territory, like nothing I could ever imagine, because that chapter was the beginning of my college experience as a first generation college student. I spend way to much time imagining myself stepping across the stage to be the first person in my family to receive a college degree. But I'm okay with that.
8. I am awful at fundraising, unless it's selling chocolate bars.
I don't like asking people for money, mostly because I know what it's like to not have money. Growing up in a single parent household living below the poverty line, you learn pretty quick how to determine the necessities from the extras, and why people, even though they would like to help you out with your endeavor, just can't. I spent a good time of my school days participating in fundraisers, whether it be for sports teams or school or other clubs and activities. I've sold Grizz cards, which are discount cards for local businesses, raffle tickets, chocolate bars, cookie dough, tupperware, and anything else you might imagine. When I participated in Girl Scouts, I sold delicious cookies. That is one purchase that I can justify to myself. The only luck I've ever had with fundraising comes in the form of those dollar candy bars. They make milk chocolate, dark chocolate, caramel, crisp, and almond bars. Because they were delicious and hella cheap, most people could justify spending a couple of bucks for a couple of delicious treats. One time, I sold enough to go to a rootbeer float party and I got to bring home a light up cup. I thought it was pretty cool. If you need to raise money for an organization or a cause, I am not the one to do it. Don't put me in charge of recruiting donors or selling stuff; it's not my strength.
9. RYLA was one of the first places where I felt like I truly belonged.
The summer of 2011, I attended RYLA, also known as Rotary Youth Leadership Awards. It's a life-changing leadership training for incoming high school juniors and seniors where leadership skills are developed and enhanced in an atmosphere of trust and respect. RYLA focuses on developing young adults into the leaders of tomorrow, with a desire to change the world through responsible and effective leadership.
Throughout the week, I made a ton of new friends, and made my own little family within Team 11: The Hot Pinks. We participated in teambuilding activities, all conference activities, and reflection that really has one reflecting on their life so far, not being afraid to be vulnerable, and as a program, you grow close and confident. You begin to believe that you are worth it and that you can make a difference in the world.
Besides band, RYLA is one of the other places where I felt like I truly belonged. All of the students chosen to attend RYLA are so amazing and all have a desire to make the world a better place. Though I rarely talk to my RYLA friends, the bonds we made during that week of teambuilding and learning about ourselves and the world will always be ones that we carry with us.
10. One of the cases that initially got me interested in law was the Caylee Anthony case; I was a bit obsessed with it.
In 2011, Casey Anthony, a Florida woman, was put on trial after being accused of killing her two-year old daughter, Caylee Anthony, in 2008. The case garnered a lot of media attention, with folks are the edge of their seat wondering whether Caylee would receive the justice she deserved. After 33 days of testimony, presentation of evidence, and everything else that happens in a trial, Casey Anthony was acquitted. This verdict caused a major uproar within the US, with many claiming that Casey Anthony got away with murdering her daughter. Eventually, the case caused several states to push toward bills to make it a felony for parents and guardians who fail to report their missing children, which were unofficially named "Caylee's law," after her deceased daughter.
I heard about the case around the time the trial started. I had just finished my sophomore year of high school and was taking a summer English & literature class, not because I needed one, but because I needed something to do, it was free, and it was taught by a teacher I had heard was pretty cool; he ended up being one of my favorite teachers in high school. We had to do all these writing exercises, and I would always have them focus on this court case. His fiancee, studying to be a lawyer, so she was following the case as well. It caught my attention because it was a capital murder trial, it involved the murder of a very young, innocent child, and there were many pieces of evidence that made it appear as if the mother, Casey, didn't care that her child was dead and that she likely killed the child.
If you have some free time, definitely check out the case. It's an interesting one for sure. In the end, the jury found her not guilty. This caused an uproar, with people claiming that she got away with murder. Upon analyzing and considering what was made available to the public, I personally believe Casey Anthony did murder her daughter BUT I agree with the jury's decision because the prosecution did not prove beyond a reasonable doubt that she murdered her daughter. In our criminal justice system, we operate on the innocent until proven guilty feel, at least theoretically, so because the prosecution didn't tie up all of their ends, there was left the possibility that Caylee did drown in the swimming pool, her defense. Though I believe that is not actually what happened, the way the case played out did follow how our justice system is built. Did Caylee receive justice? No. Did Casey receive due process? Yes. But as we've seen, there are so many issues with our criminal justice system that guilty parties can be free because of a failure to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that a party is guilty, while others are unfortunately found guilty but truly innocent. It's interesting how our criminal justice system works for sure.
I became more interested in law after this case because I found analyzing the testimony and evidence to be exhilarating, as weird as that sounds. I have a very analytical brain; it's one of my strengths. Now I look ahead and wonder if law is the right career for me, because it's not all analysis all the time, but only time will tell if that's the path I follow.
