30 Day Writing Challenge: My First Love and First Kiss

My First Love and First Kiss

I wish I had a story for you; I really do. Unfortunately, I do not. I've never had a first love, and I've never had a first kiss. In fact, I've never even had a boyfriend. And because of this, people pity me. By my age, people assume that I would have had my first kiss and my first boyfriend, and a couple other ones after that. At 21, it seems like everyone has had that experience. For those of us who have not had those experiences, we appear strange, or weird, and people can't comprehend exactly why it is that those "rites of passage" of our teenage years have not hit us yet. It's taken me awhile, years in fact, but I've become okay with it. I've become okay with the fact that I have not ever had a boyfriend, or had a first kiss, or had a first date. I've learned to be okay being alone and single; it's made me a stronger and better person. Would I like to have those experiences? Sure, at some point in my life, but I'm not going to rush into them just because it seems like everyone else has had them long ago. If they happen, they happen. We're all on different paths in life, and comparing myself to the life path of someone else does nothing in terms of improving my own position in mine. So I'm just going to roll with it. 

Growing up, I had a strong feeling that I would be this person: a 21 year old woman who has never been on a date or been kissed or had a boyfriend. I was always the awkward one, who basically spent all of her time learning everything about the world and giving back to the community. I'd squeeze some friend time and some alone time in there too, but from early on, I knew I was different. While friends were having their first boyfriends and first kisses and first dates and first times, I was the observer. I was the outside observer that they would come to for advice and the person that could be there for them when their bad relationships reached their inevitable ends. I wasn't the pretty one or the popular one. I was the awkward, nerdy, band geek who loved people and loved learning. I wasn't that girl asked to a school dance by their high school crush like you see in the movies. I wasn't the pretty one who had boys following her around waiting for their chance to be with her. I wasn't the one anyone talked about in a more-than-friend kind of way. I was the one that people asked for homework help. I was the person people asked for life advice. I was the person people asked for help doing things. I was the person who played sports even though I was really not that athletic or skilled at them. I was the person who was horrible at picking up subtle signals about anything, since I am not very perceptive. I was the person who cared more about grades than one should. I was the one that was bullied and picked on for being different. I was the one who spend weekends studying or volunteering instead of hanging with the popular kids.  If that's my legacy, loving others, loving learning, and having a passion for helping, I can live with that. In high school and middle school, I didn't see it that way.

I used to see myself as the ugly ducking of my friend group, the one that no one wanted and that would be left behind once the others paired off. I saw myself as the one hoping someone would notice me, that someone would surprise me and reveal that they had feelings for me. I saw myself as the one who had so much darkness and unresolved anxiety on the inside that I would never be beautiful and that no one would want me, that I had no worth. I hit the jackpot in terms of the awkward stage: braces, acne, glasses, a little extra weight, anxiety, and smarts. Unfortunately that awkward stage is a lifelong battle for me; it's not something that I've been able to outgrow. You don't see characters like that winning at life in the media. You don't see them in the rom-coms or the romance movies. No. Those are the kids the popular kids bully, the ones that are laughed at for thinking they have a shot with those "out of their league," the ones that people use as a doormat and take advantage of, and the ones that are forever alone. When that's what you have to look forward to, what is the point?

I no longer see myself that way, and it's taken me a long time to become comfortable with my position as an outlier. I see myself as a strong, independent, intelligent woman who loves people and has a passion for helping others. I desire to make a change in the world, and I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. I know that I do not need an "other half" to be happy and live life, but I'm not closed off to the idea of life companion who can push me to be the better version of myself each and every day. If I'm the outlier because I've put so much time into working on making myself a better person, I can live with that. 

30 Day Writing Challenge: My Earliest Memory

My Earliest Memories

I would like to think that I spent the early years of my life having so much fun which is why I can't remember anything up until my preschool years, but that is probably not the case. Growing up, my family has always been dysfunctional. With a dad addicted to theft and drugs and a mother who basically did everything for my twin brother and I with her low-paying cleaning jobs, and later their divorce, I don't think there was much good to remember. I've heard stories about my brother and I setting a hide-a-bed on fire, or owning iguanas, or going to a preschool before the preschool I remember going to, and I've seen home videos from some of the holidays in a trailer I don't recognize, but honestly I don't truly remember anything prior to moving into the trailer my grandparents owned out in the rural areas of greeley. I believe in attempting to construct my early memories, I've created false ones, which I believe is a coping technique for to the lack of stability in my childhood. 

The earliest memories that I can truly recall are my experiences in preschool at My Friends and Me, a preschool located in LaSalle, Colorado, that my mother would drop us off at for the entire day while she headed off to work. I remember Ms. Youngren's classroom and the fits I would throw during nap time, and learning how to tie my shoes and how to read, and playing "House" with a girl named Alexandra. I remember crying the first time I rode and only time I rode a horse, and holding a snake, and dressing up as Cinderella for Halloween. On the opposite side, I remember visiting my dad in the Villa, the half-way house, and not knowing who he was. I remember being a bossy little brat who didn't have very many friends. I remember wanting to be the best at anything at the expense of building relationships with others; I would be willing to leave them behind if that made me succeed. 

It seems as no matter how hard you try, you can often only remember the good with the bad. I've chosen in my life many times to focus on the bad, but growing up, I learned to utilize those experiences to create a better future for myself and others. Would I have preferred growing up in a two-parent household or without knowing my father? Maybe. If I could have changed my childhood, would I? Absolutely not. Those early experiences, whatever they were, have somehow influenced the path I am on today, and for that I am extremely grateful. Though it's a shame that I lose out on those early experiences by not recalling them, I find solace at the same time in knowing that I somehow utilized those experiences to create a better future for myself and others. If that's the effect, I can live without ever recalling them and be content.

30 Day Writing Challenge: 5 Problems With Social Media

5 Problems With Social Media

Social media has made it easier to communicate with those we meet during this journey we call life. The speedy dissemination of information, the entrance into networks you wouldn't otherwise have access to, the platform to share your stories and ideas, it's all great and can make your life a lot easier if you know how to use it, but you shouldn't rely on it solely. There are a lot of problems that innovators have yet to address with the creation and growing popularity of social media. Here are five of the ones I see as some of the biggest problems that have emerged.

1. The Online Disinhibition Effect

According to Wikipedia (this is a blog entry, not a scholarly paper, yo), online disinhibition effect is "a loosening (or complete abandonment) of social restrictions and inhibitions that would otherwise be present in normal face-to-face interaction during interactions with others on the Internet."1 Basically, because people are anonymous or semi-anonymous on social media, they don't really follow any sort of regular social protocol, and the abandonment of social rules can do some major damage. In some cases, this effect can be benign, and allow others to open up to people more than usual. Unfortunately, this effect has more often than not negative consequences. With perceived anonymity, people take no regards to the effect of their words, posts, pictures, videos, and any activities they participate in on social media on others. Have you ever read the comment section of an article on Facebook and saw people attacking others with no regard for the wellbeing of the other person? This is a prime example of how this is a huge problem that comes along with the social media boom. Cyberbulling is another huge problem with the online disinhibition effect. People hide behind their screens on their keyboards, making others feel worthless, for some sort of personal gain that I really don't get. You see this with people making fun of aspects of others' identities and expressions. This point really ties in nicely with my second point about the effect of social media on mental health. These people are "keyboard warriors," spewing hateful speech and attacking others, disregarding social norms, in a way that we know they would never do when face-to-face with someone. People claim they are just "keeping it real," but when you are acting in a way you wouldn't normally act towards someone, how is that keeping it real? Aren't you just an insecure, hateful, fake person hiding behind your screen? 

2. The Effect On Mental Health

The effects of social media on mental health are widespread and many. Using social media creates a pressure for people to make themselves available for social contact 24/7. This can produce sleep deficits with people spending countless hours absorbed in social media related activities, and we all know the harms that can result for those who get too little sleep, including. This pressure of availability can also increase the risk of anxiety and depression, especially among teenagers. Along with this, social media creates yet another avenue to create pressure on young adults to conform to certain societal standards. In this, I refer mostly to societal standards of beauty. Young adults begin to feel that if they don't meet the standards, that they are not good enough. They lose self-esteem, resort to strenuous activities to meet those beauty standards, such as dieting, exercising, wearing a lot of makeup, etc. These activities can develop into more severe mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. This also goes along with the increasing sexualization of women via social media. This teaches young women that they are sexual objects and rejects any sense of self worth they may feel.

Cyberbullying, as I discussed in the previous bullet, can take a major toll on mental health. Cyberbullying occurs similarly to regular bullying and has many of the same effects, but one distinct characteristic that makes it even more dangerous is the sense of anonymity. Anyone could be behind the screen saying awful, hurtful things, and the ability to share that information with the world wide web takes regular bullying beyond and makes it visible to the entire world. There have been many cases where young adults have taken their lives as a result of the cyberbullying by others. I recommend watching the movie Cyberbully. I saw it a couple of months ago on Netflix and I think it did a pretty good job illustrating many of the effects of social media on mental health. The anonymity that comes with cyberbullying allows the bully to conceal their identity and not have to deal with any consequences that may arise from their actions. It makes it that much harder to get justice for a victim and to stop it once it's begun. It makes it that much harder to prevent it from happening in the first place.

3. Diminishing Social Skills & Presence

With the increase in popularity of social media, we see an increase with social relationships brought to the online platform. Much of this social interaction occurs solely online and it appears that we have forgotten how to interact with others offline. Our social interaction on the internet consists of conversations via social networking sites with people we know in real life and others form various places in the world that we met online. While this can be great for expanding one's social network, it doesn't help much in practicing of valuable social skills and the ability to be fully present. Instead of having long conversations about whatever is going on in the world, our conversations are limited to short phrases or sentences and then pulling out our phone. Instead of hanging out and doing non-internet related stuff at a friends house, you sit together in silence with your smartphones out browsing your social media accounts. Instead of getting outdoors and enjoying nature, we spend our afternoons taking selfies with friends and coming up with the perfect gifs or memes to post. We've lost the ability to spend hours on the phone with friends talking about life and everything we want to accomplish. We miss out on the ability to be fully present with others, and fully present in a world that didn't always have such a reliance on technology. We are losing the ability to build concrete, stable relationships with other, and instead build friendships that can be broken with a false information circulating between a social group and the de-friend button on Facebook. We've lost the ability to enjoy life without an urge to always be connected to each other. Most importantly, we've lost the ability to feel comfortable being alone. We have the need to always feel like we are connected to others and for that, we don't know how to navigate the world without others a "poke" away. We substitute the real beauties of the world with pictures from google images, and substitute the actual experiences we could be having with pins to our boards on Pinterest. 

4. Addiction

A lot of us joke that we have an addiction to our social media sites, but for some, the addiction is real, and it's a debilitating part of their lives. Their addiction with accessing these social media sites, as well as internet in general, interferes with with their normal life. Some of you may be thinking, "Yeah, sure. It's not like alcohol or drugs. What's the harm? Is addiction to this even real, or is it just an overused expression to identify a long time spent on the internet?" The jury is still out on whether or not internet addiction disorder can be classified as a DSM disorder, but it has been proposed as such. The DSM, for those of you not familiar with psychology, is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders. It is the book that identifies what constitutes particular mental disorders and is not revised very often, anywhere from every 6-16 years.2 We'll have to stay tuned for the final verdict, but though it is not listed in the most recent edition of the DSM, we do know that it can prove to be debilitating for some lives. And for those who do not meet the criteria for the disorder, there are many who spend several hours each day on the internet and in turn miss out on other aspects of their lives, and that is problematic. We need to reevaluate the importance of these sites in our life and whether it is worth the potential risk of a developing a true addiction.

5. Dangers of Disclosing Personal Information

With the expansion of social networks through online communication such as that through social media and social networking sites, it's can often be troubling to keep personal information private. Though many sites have created many different privacy settings that user information can be kept safe and secure, those settings don't always reach far in terms of sharing. Individuals may begin to feel comfortable with others in their online social networks and become more open to sharing details about themselves. While this can be great in terms of their social development, those they are sharing to may not always have the best intentions. In addition, on many sites, sharing personal information with others, like third party websites, is an opt out feature, and takes work on part of the user to make sure their personal information is secure.

The Bottom Line

Though social media sites have been extremely useful in helping to connect us to the world around us, they are not perfect and come with various risks. My best advice is to be aware of how you use them and make sure that they do not start to consume all of your time and sanity. If that is the case, go on a short hiatus. Those sites will still be there when you return.

References: 1 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_disinhibition_effect
          2 - http://www.mofas.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/DSMQA1.pdf

30 Day Writing Challenge

I came across this 30 day writing challenge one day on Facebook and though to myself, "Hey. This my be a good way for me to get back into blogging and actually stick with it." I decided to save the picture of the challenge and start it this month November 2015. I've always enjoyed writing. At one point, I wanted to be a journalist, but as my passion for social justice issues grew larger, I started looking toward a more practical career path in law. There's nothing wrong with being a journalist. In looking toward the future, I'm still not sure if I'm on the right career path. Maybe this challenge, which is sort of a reflection on life, will help me figure it all out. I just got an email the other day to apply for graduation at my college, since I have enough credits to be a senior, and I about had a heart attack. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Maybe this challenge can be a start to figuring that all out.

If you'd like to join the challenge yourself, or just want to see what it's all about, here is the challenge.

Happy writing, friends!

30 Day Challenges

I never thought I would be the person to embark on 30 day challenges. I would ask people, "30 days? What could you possibly change about your life in a month? If you only do it for 30 days, how are you going to stick with it afterwards?" I was a skeptic of the idea of a 30 day challenge. That is until I embarked on a very important one during my freshman year of college. 

We watched videos about these challenges in my leadership class, and I sat there, a skeptic, thinking about how dumb the people in the videos were. I personally believed that 30 days was not enough to form a new habit. When I was assigned to undertake a challenge of my own, I was not happy to say the least. I figured, however, that if I was going to try to do one, I would at least do one that was meaningful and had the potential to change me for the better, rather than mimicking those I saw having to do with eating at Starbucks for 30 days or stuff like that.

I had recently read an article about a woman who went one year without mirrors in order to increase her self-esteem and improve her image about herself and her body. It was an incredible story. She didn't use a mirror for anything. I couldn't imagine not using a mirror for makeup. That's when it clicked for me. I had spent many years of my life with low self-esteem and hating how I looked. I would spend so much time comparing myself to others and to the unrealistic beauty standards portrayed by the media. I was in a dark place through middle and high school, and spent so much time worry about what others though of me that it broke me. In a new area with people I'd never met before, starting college away from home gave me a new start. But soon, the feelings began to reappear, as my cystic acne began popping up again and the lack of time I had for proper self care began to increase. I knew my cystic acne would be a lifelong battle; that's the struggle of the skin problem. But when people started to point it out, asking me if I was washing my face less, or suggesting that I try an acne product they used in the past that worked for them, I began to fall into a dark place. What they didn't understand was that their seemingly innocent comments actually served to feed my lack of self-esteem even more. I always washed my face. I had tried everything on the market which ultimately led me to get the diagnosis of cystic acne and start on a remedy of birth control and clindamycin/benzol peroxide gel. Knowing the comments would never end, I decided to embark on a challenge with 30 days without mirrors to build up my self-esteem and self-image. 

I filled my dorm mirror with sticky notes with positive quotes to make sure I didn't use it. (:

30 days without mirrors changed my life for the better, and ultimately saved my life. It allowed me to see myself as worthy and to see that the only judgment that mattered about my image was mine. It was hard, as I also included reflections as well, since mirrors or reflective surfaces appeared to be everywhere. I was determined to make it work though, since I knew that I would spend hours analyzing myself and becoming less and less content with just being me. I would pick out the flaws and watch as they appeared more imminent, worrying that others could see them. The challenge became easier with time, and I even got to the point where I could put makeup on without a mirror. Those skills are surprisingly mostly muscle memory. I didn't include makeup as a no-no in my challenge because I've been able to see how makeup can be a confidence booster, not by changing your self image, but just the creativity of it and the feeling of doing something for oneself. By the end of the 30 days, I had a new appreciation for myself, and started to see myself as a beautiful soul. I no longer spent hours analyzing my looks in the mirror or comparing myself to others. It's still work to keep that positive self image going, even two years later, but it's gotten easier over time. That challenge was one of the best things I've ever done in my life.

I haven't taken on a challenge since then, but upon seeing all of the positive changes I could make, I decided to start them up again. Stay tuned for my future challenges.

Follow Me During My Study Abroad Adventures

So I created a separate blog specific to my study abroad experiences. Check it out here:

http://shleyreabroad.blogspot.com/

How to Get Your Textbooks... For Free or Really Cheap Online!

It's that time of the year again. Your television floods with advertisements for back to school gear, telling you everything you need to buy to make your school year rock. Those summer days are slipping away and you can't help but think about heading back to college. It will be fantastic! Back to your friends away from home, those fabulous late night study sessions, and that college life. Classes start soon and you can't help but dread buying all of those heavy, expensive textbooks. Fear not! After some research and sifting through articles galore, I have your hookup for the online sites where you can score free pdf versions and/or super cheap paper or ebook copies of the learning materials you need to succeed.


FREE BOOKS

I came across an article on my Facebook feed about the best sites to find free textbooks earlier this summer. Halfway through college already, I was skeptical at best. However, my twin brother heads back to school in a couple of weeks, while I start my adventure abroad in a month in a half, so we tested these websites on his textbooks.

1. Library Genesis               http://gen.lib.rus.ec
My brother found 3 of his 7 textbooks for free as PDF and mobi downloads on this site, ones that would have cost over $100 each. I'd highly recommend checking out this site first.

2. Bookfi.org               http://en.bookfi.org
Library Genesis often rerouted us to this site, so I'd highly suggest looking on this site as well.

3. Project Gutenberg               http://gutenberg.org
I knew about this site previously. I used to use it to download ebooks for my kindle when I had one. I highly recommend this site for free books, particularly ones that are more chapter books than textbooks. For example, books for English or Literature classes would be easy to find.

4. Ebookee           http://ebookee.org
I didn't get to explore this website very much, but it seems safe and reliable according to internet reviews. Be cautious though, as it is a file sharing site.

5. Many Books               http://www.manybooks.net
I didn't get to explore this website very much, but it seems safe and reliable according to internet reviews.

6. Online Library of Liberty            
http://oll.libertyfund.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=380
This site is very focused on books pertaining to individual liberty and free markets. Would only recommend for books in that subject area.

7. One Big Torrent               http://onebigtorrent.org
This site is deemed safe by many internet reviews. It's a file sharing site as well, so be cautious. I didn't find any of my brother's textbooks on there, but I found a lot of links for documentaries, television episodes, and other media with educational content.


CHEAP RENTALS/PURCHASES/EBOOKS

The following sites are all ones that I have personally used to rent, purchase, or download my textbooks from. I found them mostly through searches for textbook rental sites, and these sites are my favorite, as they are cheap, user friendly, and reliable.

1. Abebooks
My favorite website for textbook purchases. I can often find books that cost way less to buy than to rent with small shipping costs. They ship your books quickly and always keep in contact to make sure your books are delivered to you. They have a wide selection of textbooks and almost always have the books I need in stock. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

2. Barnes and Noble
I'm sure you've heard of this site. It's a popular, trustworthy chain that also does textbooks. They have rental, purchase, and ebook options, and often times, I find my textbooks pretty cheap on this site. I've never had any problems with Barnes and Noble. They also have a marketplace option, with other sellers you can buy from. I really enjoy that because I sometimes find cheaper options than buying or renting directly form B&N. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

3. Better World Books
I haven't ordered any textbooks from them yet, but their website is user friendly and makes me feel happy every time I search on it. They have a huge mission to impact the world for a better, and stick to it in all of their transactions. They donate books, raise funds for libraries and literacy programs, and reuse and recycle books as well. They seem like an amazing company and I hope to do business with them soon. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

4. Biblio
This is also a great site that I haven't ordered anything from yet. However, their site is very user friendly and easy to navigate.

5. Bookbyte
I really like bookbyte for its marketplace option. I've found great deals from many of the sellers they do business with. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

6. Bookrenter
Bookrenter is my absolute favorite online site for book rentals. Free shipping both ways, cheap rental terms, and their site is so easy to use! I always get my textbooks from Bookrenter first and have done business with them many times. They are my go-to rental site. They have a wide selection of textbooks and almost always have the books I need in stock.

7. Campus Book Rentals
Probably my second favorite rental site. The prices are a bit higher than Bookrenter usually, but they also have free shipping both ways and don't care if you highlight or make marks in the books. They are also super flexible with rentals -- they let you choose a rental term or you can even choose your own return date!

8. Chegg
Chegg is a pretty well known company in the college world. It offers rental, purchasing, and ebook options. Chegg is bigger than just a textbook provider though. You can get study guides and tutoring services as well. I've rented from them as well as rented an ebook from them and I have nothing bad to say about my experience. It was great! Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

9. Coursemart
Coursemart is an easy ebook option. You can rent or buy an ebook. They don't offer hard copies, but their ebooks are easy to use. Their selection of textbooks is kind of limited though, so don't assume that coursemart will have the book you need.

10. ECampus
ECampus is a great, always reliable option for rentals and purchases. Their site is also very user friendly. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

11. First Class Books
Pretty easy site to use, but the selection is not as varied as some of the other sites. I haven't ordered from them yet, but I'm sure they are great. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

12. Knetbooks
I really like Knetbooks! It's so easy to use, free shipping both ways, and so reliable. The website is cute and user friendly. They are a rental site, so no purchases. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

13. Powells'
Powells' is like a lesser known version of Barnes and Noble with a more limited stock. They don't always have my textbooks, so it's not a go-to site for me, but definitely one to keep in mind. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

14. Skyo

Skyo is great and user friendly. They offer rental, purchase, and ebook options. Also, free shipping! They are so easy to use and fast at shipping books out.

15. Textbook Rush

Textbook rush is easy to use, fast, affordable, and offer both purchase and rental options. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option. You can also sell technology, games, and more.

16. Textbooks.com

Textbooks.com offers all of the options: purchasing, renting, ebooks, and textbook buyback. The site is easy to use and I've never had any problems with my orders.

17. Valore Books

Valore is probably my third most used website, only after Abebooks and Bookrenter. They have purchase and rental options, as well as marketplace sellers. They are reliable and cheap, and their site also offers opportunities to sell different types of technology. Also, if you're looking to get some cash for your old textbooks, they have a buyback option.

Happy Textbook shopping!