30 Day Writing Challenge: What I Wore Today

Because I am on winter break and didn't need to leave my house and venture out into the cold abyss that is winter, I got to lounge in comfy clothes. For me, those choices were a pink tie dye shirt from when I played high school in volleyball, and some grey, old, comfy, broncos sweats. Nothing like a t-shirt and sweats, accompanied by a lazy day and hot chocolate and cuddles with my cat.

30 Day Writing Challenge: The Night of My 21st Birthday

On October 14, 2015, I turned 21. In the United States, turning 21 is treated as some sort of rite of passage into adulthood, celebrated by the legality of consuming alcohol, often times ending in a severe hangover the next morning. In Colorado, the same intent goes with weed. In Costa Rica, those rites of passage have already been completed at age 18. When I told others that I would be turning 21 during my time abroad in Costa Rica, people were excited, citing how lucky I was and how cool that would be. I didn't think much of those comments, until my birthday actually happened.

My birthday present to myself:
lunch from the local soda.

For those that know me well, I'm not a huge birthday celebrator. When I was younger, I used to plan halloween-themed parties with piñatas. As I grew older, I felt like I had fewer and fewer real friends, and less and less reason to celebrate. My methods of celebrating transformed, from crazy costume party sleepovers to movies and dinners with close friends. When I started college, I would go out to dinner with friends and continue the rest of my day as normal. I've never been super big about celebrating birthdays. So, as you can imagine, when I would picture what my 21st birthday celebration would be like, I pictured a small dinner with friends, enjoying a drink with dinner. This is way different than how most celebrate their 21st birthday: going to bars or clubs and getting wasted. Bars and clubs can be chill sometimes, but they're really not my scene. I'd rather go on a night hike, or stay in and watch a movie, or go to a festival of some sort. When I imagined my 21st birthday, I did not picture how my birthday was actually celebrated here. And for me, I have mixed feelings about it.

What happens when your roommate is
a cosmetologist and it's your birthday

Those lights tell it all

Back to those comments. I shouldn't have felt like my 21st birthday was not that great. After all, I was lucky to be celebrating my 21st birthday in a foreign country often thought of as "tropical paradise." It was cool that I would not be celebrating my birthday in the United States. It is true that I have fallen in love with the country that is Costa Rica and that it has many beautiful, rich cultures that I've been able to explore. I'm so thankful for this opportunity that I have been able to access. But for me, what makes my birthday special is when I get to celebrate it with the other special people in my life: my best friends and my pets. My two best friends are back in Colorado, as are my two cats. I envisioned celebrating my "rite of passage" into adulthood with my them, enjoying a drink with dinner at a restaurant and then catching a movie, or taking a stroll in the parks. I didn't get to do that. Instead, I ended up at a reggae bar with my housemates that I've only known for a couple of weeks with an endless stream of drinks expected to be drunk. I am grateful to my housemates for their enthusiasm in celebrating my birthday and taking me out. I appreciate everything they've done for me. And my feelings are all me and have nothing to do with them. Their celebration was great and I really am thankful that they went out of their way to host it for me. But that celebration, that place, that's just not me. That scene, that type of celebration, is great for many people, but just not for me. And I'm okay with that.

30 Day Writing Challenge: My Morning Routine

My morning routine is basically just like that of every other college student, except for the living and studying abroad part. I wake up half an hour before I have to head down to breakfast with mi familia tica, because I am not a morning person. I shower, put on my acne cream, put on my face moisturizer, brush my hair, and get dressed. At 7:30, I head down to have breakfast with my housemates and mama tica. She usually makes us a sandwich or eggs and toast with a bowl of fruit, orange juice, and coffee. The first two months of my abroad experience, I used to leave five minutes before 8am, when my first class would start, since I only live a two minute walk from the university. Since I no longer have a Spanish class, I don't have my class on Mondays and Wednesdays until 6pm, and my class on Tuesdays and Thursdays until 3pm. I usually spend my morning relaxing, working on homework (just a bit though, since I don't have much), browsing the internet and reading emails, or running errands. On Fridays, I have no classes, so that makes my weekends longer.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Something I'd Say to An Ex

When I saw this topic, I thought this was an odd one. What do you mean what would I say to an ex? Is it just something random you'd bring up? Is there a conversational context? Also, I feel like every relationship you have with a person is very different, so I don't really think you can generalize. But what do I know? I've never been in one.

If I were to ever have an ex in my life, I would hope that we would agree to part on good terms. I would wish that person good luck in their future endeavors and hope they find everything they are looking for in life. Really. I don't know if that's possible in reality, though. I've seen so much shade thrown after relationships end. But what do I know? I'm only an outside observer.

30 Day Challenge December 2015

For my 30 Day Challenge this month, due to the amount of free time with academics during my time left abroad and the rest of December being break for me, I plan to watch a documentary every day, as well as finish up my writing challenge, since I definitely slacked on that. This can be a short video or a long film, but I plan to educate myself about some new topics while appreciating the art that is filmmaking. I'll try and post my thoughts and recommendations, but now promises. And I'm off!

30 Day Writing Challenge: Music on Shuffle

Music on Shuffle

For this challenge, I'm supposed to shuffle my music player and write down the first three songs that play and my initial reaction. However, I don't have a music player, so I guess I'll just roll with my Jango mix, because Pandora doesn't work abroad.

1. "Feel So Close" - Calvin Harris

This is one of those songs that I workout to or just play when I need some energy. I like it. 

2. "Big Girls Don't Cry" - Fergie

When I was younger, the lyrics of this song were in the J-14 magazine I had a subscription to. I learned all the lyrics and I've enjoyed it ever since then. It's so smooth and always a throwback every time I hear it.

3. "Banana Pancakes" - Jack Johnson

This song is so chill. Before the song started, I saw the title, recognized it, but couldn't remember the song. When it started playing, I knew it, and the chorus, right away. It's a good song for when I'm relaxing.

30 Day Writing Challenge: Five Fears That I Have

Five Fears That I Have

1. Never knowing what I want to do with the rest of my life

When I started college, I thought I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I envisioned that I would graduate with a degree in Socio-legal Studies, go to law school, study public interest law, graduate, and become a public defender. I saw myself eventually becoming a judge and later a US Supreme Court justice, because naturally, that's how it happens. But now, three years into college, I'm not so sure anymore. I'm set to graduate fall quarter of next year, two quarters early, and it terrifies me to know that I don't have a plan. I'm the girl that likes to know what's going on. I can't just jump into the unknown clueless; I'm not about that life. I don't even know in which direction I'm heading and that is really scary. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to help people. Giving back to the community is my calling, helping others is what I know I am meant to do, but that could pretty much mean anything. If I can't even decide what to eat for lunch, how am I supposed to choose a direction for my life? I'm not ready to leave college. The fact that I don't know what comes next is absolutely terrifying.

2. Always being the outlier

Growing up, I was always the outlier. I was always the awkward one, who basically spent all of her time learning everything about the world and giving back to the community. From early on, I knew I was different. I was always the outside observer of everything, never on the inside of what was going on. I wasn't the pretty one or the popular one. I was the awkward, nerdy, band geek who loved people and loved learning. I was the person who did things for the challenge, and epically failed at them (like sports). I've learned that the awkward stage is a lifelong battle for me; it's not something that I've been able to outgrow. You don't see characters like me winning at life in the media. It's taken me a long time to become comfortable with my position as an outlier, but sometimes, always being on the outside can get lonely. Sometimes, I just wish that I could be on the inside for once. Is that too much to ask?

3. Not doing something that matters

I know that what I'm meant to do in life is help people. I'm not sure in which way I will do that, but I will help people. I sometimes fear that I won't be able to do enough to actually matter, that what I do will not have the effects I want it to have. I fear that I won't leave behind a legacy of service and that I won't actually help other people along the way. I worry that I will fall into a career I hate but have to keep because of the salary. And if that occurs, I worry that I won't be helping the world in the way I want to help it and that I will have been wasting my life on all the wrong things. I worry that when I leave college, I won't have the education to do what I want to do, because by then, I will have changed my mind a thousand times about where I want to be in the next couple of years.

4. Abandonment

For the larger part of my life, I've dealt with a lot of people shuffle in and out of my life, several times even. It's become hard for me to become attached to people because when I do, they always seem to leave me. They abandon me. It's hard for me to let people in, it's hard for me to be vulnerable and share myself with people for fear that I will become attached and they will leave again. With a past of friends abandoning me and a dad who has jumped in and out of my life constantly, I've just become accustomed to leaving people on the outside to prevent myself from getting hurt. It's sad really, but I am getting better at it. 

5. The Unknown

As a person who likes to be in control of everything about here, I really get anxiety when thinking about the unknown. No, it's not logical to be in control of everything around you; there are just some things you can't have control over. But if I could, my personality would like to think that I would. I hate not having a plan. I hate jumping into things without any clue of what is going to happen. I always have a plan. Thinking about not knowing what's going to happen or where my life is going to lead is terrifying. It can give me an adrenaline rush at times, knowing I can forge my own path for the future, but generally, it scares me so much. I cannot jump in head first without knowing the expectations or the outcome. That's just not who I am.